What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
