Small penises have feelings too.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
