the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
