I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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