What did we do last night that was yellow?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
