i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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