The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
