Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
