I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
