She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Randomize
