and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
