so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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