you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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