i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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