This is not my ceiling
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
