This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
