That's when you crack a 10am beer
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
