she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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