so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
