I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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