He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
