Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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