Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Randomize
