You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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