I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize