i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
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