i permit you to call me
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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