Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
