Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
