Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
