My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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