Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
