why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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