My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
