So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
