Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
