HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
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