There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
