therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
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