Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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