I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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