Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
