Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
