A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
