Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Oh god it's open bar.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
