just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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