I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Found your dick twin last night
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Gay?
German.
Pity.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
