btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
