Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
