what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize