Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
