The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
