tonight lets celebrate not being married
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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