I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
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