Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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