I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize