I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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