Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I don't think brook has ever known best
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
