Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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