I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
