Jerry, you need to find god
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
