I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
