hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
