Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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