I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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