she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
