Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
