My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
