Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
