You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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