i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
