I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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